i got up this morning to see the hubby off for work, knowing that i’d likely get a call at some point during the day and need to either make or break his day with a text update. noooooooo presha. i had a six-week postpartum home visit with a midwifery client (the last time we see folks after a birth) scheduled for 10am, and i was dreading the possibility of receiving a bad news during the appointment. my last miscarriage necessitated cancelling a day of prenatal visits, and it seemed to unimaginably horrendous to have a repeat trainwreck of midwifery work with personal and bad news, especially since the due dates (through no purpose of mine) would be the same.
i passed the time in the early morning making a new altar filled with embryo-esque sacred geometry: a gilded wasp nest, a hexagon of candles, a fractalled gem brooch. i tucked a little note behind the pin of the brooch that said “euploid 6AA”. i wrote “1:15pm call” on the white board. i packed up all the trinkets and notes and well wishes from others, keeping everything spare.
for today, it’s just me, stephen, and 6AA.
******
i headed out, started and finished my home visit appointment without interruption, picked up my little blister pack of birth control (side note: enskyce sounds less like contraception and more like something you’d do with a surgical instrument), and pointed back towards home.
at 12:53, my phone rang. (not bad with the 1:15 prediction!).
“no caller id available”
that means a nurse.
that means news.
i sat down on the couch, pushed the green answer button, and said hello. my eyes were closed and my hands were shaking. my mouth went immediately and completely dry.
and time stopped.
it must be a little bit like being a 911 dispatch, desperately wishing the rambling person on the other end of the phone would get to the point. YES BUT WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY, SIR??
name? confirmed.
date of birth? dear god–confirmed.
statement of “reason i’m calling today”. YES I KNOWWWWWWWuh.
and then an instant flood of tears with the news: 6AA is perfect. euploid. correct number of genes. everything is right. the process continues.
the anticipated/unsurprising “bad news” was that the other embryo, the 4CC, was aneuploid, with trisomies of the 12th and 17th chromosome pairs. incompatible with life and would have been a miscarriage. goddess rest its little cells, and i’m glad to have been spared that experience.
i cried like a baby and laughed with the nurse about how amazing and horrifying her job must be to call people with amazing and horrifying news all day.
congratulations, your embryo is good!
i’m so sorry, your embryo is no good.
back and forth forever.
*********
when i got off the phone i cried more and yelled happy yells, texted stephen who was out on his route, messaged friends and family, and updated folks following along on social media.
6AA is a go. we’re still in the running for success. the biggest (but not the last) hurdle is over. success is between 60 and 80%, depending on what study you ask.
and now, i’m going to go sleep… for a week. birth control for three days to pause things, a monitoring appointment on monday, and onward we go.
yours truly,
a hopeful mama
idylls of acadia 